Sunday, 20 July 2014

A New Creation!

Dear Malakai Daniel,

Today you were born. It seems funny that you have been alive for so long and yet there is a big difference between eagerly awaiting you when you are tucked away in your momma's tummy and when we can hold you in our arms! Your momma and your daddy wanted to tell you a little bit about how we felt today, so here goes.


Hey kid! This day was such an amazing day in so many ways but the first thing I want you to know about it is how I felt the first time I saw you take your first breathe. I'm sure your momma will tell you lots about what it was like for her, but just before you arrived, we were very nervous. We were in an operating theatre, with no guarantee that you would be able to be born any time soon, or whether the doctors would need to rescue you. So then, when you appeared and were handed to us by the doctor, it was a combination of shock, disbelief, bewilderment and excitement. You were a very grey colour and you hadn't started to breathe at this point. Though we knew that this was normal, we were worried; and when the doctors said they wanted to take you to the resuscitation area, we were panicking even more! All this was within the first 20 seconds of you appearing from inside your mum, and the midwife whisked you off, through a door, leaving us feeling bewildered and scared. All the doctors kept telling us that this happens all the time, and some babies can take over a minute to start breathing by themselves, but we didn't know what to think. After so many worries about your health throughout the pregnancy, we had no idea if your little heart would be able to cope doing it's job, or if any of the markers we'd been told about may point to a problem that could mean your life could be in danger before it even begins.

So I was stood next to your momma, seeing the worry on her face as she is desperate to hear your cries from the other side of the door.

Then we heard the most joyful scream we had ever heard in our lives. I left your momma for a few minutes, walked through the door and right in front of me I saw this...

You were filling your little lungs and yelling for all you were worth as the tears filled my eyes. The doctor was telling me that you were fine, and that you had started breathing all by yourself a few seconds after you left the room, but I wasn't listening. All I felt was this.

Thank you, LORD, for bringing our son to us!

There was so much relief felt by your momma and I, knowing that God had graciously answered our prayers. We knew that all we wanted was for you to be alive, and if you were healthy as well then that would be a bonus. However we also knew that God is sovereign over both life and death. God never promised to answer our prayers, but he always promises to hear them. And by his grace, here you are.
Remember, my son, that every day that you have on this Earth is a gift from God, the giver of Life, and therefore we all have a responsibility to give God the glory for that life that he has given us.

I thank God for every moment that we have with you, and EVEN MORE than that, I thank Him for Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. Jesus knows what it is like to be a baby, like you are now. He knows what it is like to be hungry, to cry, to feel love. He has experienced every aspect of human life that you will go through, and He was willing to suffer the most horrible death imaginable to save you.

For Christ died for sins, once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. 1 Peter 3:18


My Lil man, 

Today was your birthday. After a long labour, you came into this world in a way that was so dramatic. Every second was a real test of faith, much like my pregnancy had been. I had been so focussed and determined to get you out safely, but all the while, I knew that it would only be by God's grace and goodness that I would get to hold you alive! 

First time I laid eyes on you!
Through tears I finally saw you as you were placed on my chest... all I could see was how grey you looked. I stroked your little thigh. So tiny and perfect, but you looked so lifeless and I was terrified. I don't recall much of what was being said, but I do remember asking over and over if you were ok. The Dr said she wanted you taken away, and I was scared. You still hadn't made a sound or taken a breath. As they whisked you away I cried and cried. Soon everyone was commenting that they could hear your screams, but I couldn't hear you. I made daddy go and see you. Not long after, he came back, crying and telling me you were perfect, and ALIVE! He kept hugging me and crying, he was so happy that you were ok. I sent him back to be with you, and that's when he returned with you in his arms. The single most breathtaking sight of my life, seeing him holding you, you were screaming! 

You were given to me again, but this time you were far from grabbed my finger and clung to it. I will never forget the relief I felt, seeing you so full of colour, and so alert! I was so grateful to God. I never wanted to let you go again. Looking at you, everything felt calm.... This verse flooded me:

"Be still and know, that I am God!" Psalm 46:10

All the way up to your birth, daddy and I had talked about every scenario. How we would respond if you were not OK. If you would need heart surgery. If you would need to be taken to NICU. If you didn't survive birth. So many possibilities to think through following all your scans... We wanted to be prepared to praise God, whatever the outcome. We also wanted to make the most of every minute we would have with you. But in preparing myself for all the worst case scenarios, I hadn't prepared myself for you being perfect. I was astounded, and so grateful to God. I have told your daddy that I wouldn't undo all the scans and worry for anything, because through all the unknowns, I have learnt so much and grown so much. I have been greatly humbled.

We are so very undeserving of you, Malakai. You are truly a gift from God. We pray daily that we can parent you in a way that is God honouring, and we pray that your life will always be a testimony to God's amazing grace. You have already been used to strengthen our faith and trust in God, as we have had to lean on Him more than ever in our journey to meeting you! I look forward to many many more years of leaning on God as we end the journey of meeting you, and begin the journey of raising you! Its gonna be an adventure!

All my love, 
Mamma xx


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