Malakai the messenger! :)

"I have loved you," says the LORD - Malachi 1:2

My boy,

This is your dad speaking! It's so exciting that, even though you're not going to be born for another 15 weeks, your mama tells me you can hear me so I can talk to you and you can hear me!!!! I am often asking you how your day is going and why you're kicking so much! It makes your mama uncomfortable but she loves it so much.

I wanted to tell you a little bit about your name and why we have chosen it for you. As you know, we've been thinking about you and talking about you since before you were even a little twinkle in your mother's eye, so we have been thinking about what name we would give you for a long time. After a lot of thoughts and ideas, (some that your mama REALLY didn't like!) we decided on the name...

Malakai

We decided on the African spelling with a "k" to remind you that you are an African boy and that Zimbabwe will always be part of your heritage. I hope that we can go there together some day and visit your Ouma and Oupa! Malakai/Malachi comes from the Hebrew name meaning "my messenger". Malachi (the prophet) was sent by God to bring a message to the people of Israel. On the whole it was not a message that they wanted to hear, as it was a warning about what happens when you disobey God, but also it speaks about how one day soon Jesus will come to save all those who believe in him!!!

But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its rays. - Malachi 4:2a

Your mamma and I are praying for you that you will come to know for yourself the amazing truth that Jesus gladly gave his life for YOU! He died to save you so that you can live forever with your perfect Heavenly dad! We are so excited about the privilege of teaching you about all the wonderful things God has done and continues to do in our lives. We pray that you will be "His messenger" and a witness in the world of the glorious promises of God.

My boy, I praise the Lord for you! I hope that, when you read this, you know who Jesus is and you accept for yourself  the free gift of LIFE that he offers to all who believe in Him.

I love you with my whole heart,

Daddy   x

Busy week ahead!

And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those that love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Malakai, 

You are 24 weeks! I am so excited to reach viability week! I am so excited by all the growing you have
been doing! Your'e so so big now! You stretch right across my belly!! I can feel when you do a big stretch, I can feel you hiccuping all the time! I can tell when you elbow me, when you kick me, and even when you stick your little butt out! I know when your'e sleeping and awake! You never seem to stop moving...your'e gonna keep us on our toes I can tell! I wasn't prepared for just how much I would know about you before you even arrived!! Its pretty cool! You have stretched my tummy right out and given me some serious stretch marks... my tiger stripes I like to think! :) a nice reminder that your'e growing big in there!

We have a meeting on Wednesday with our consultant to discuss more about you and your health. Then a midwife appointment on Friday too! So its kind of a busy week all about you! I feel so at peace about you, I know that God has you in the palm of His hand, He loves you, and He has BIG plans for you! 

Its also downs syndrome awareness week this week, which I only know about because of the possibility that you may have downs syndrome. We don't know the outcome for you just yet, but I do know already that God is using this situation, and this time of waiting, for good. 

We are so blessed, and our lives are so enriched by you already Malakai... Your'e not even here yet and you have taught us to see the world in a different way! I am so glad that we have you as our son... already, I cannot imagine life without you in it! 

Love,  

Mama

Heartbroken....

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

My Malakai, 

I woke up hopeful and optomistic for today.. Its the follow up scan to your MRI. You had not stopped wiggling since I woke up this morning, and I take that as a good sign! For the most part, things look as they usually do. Your heart, yet again, is your strength - its beating away powerfully and it seems ok. You are weighing about 1lb and 3oz now! Thats so crazy to me! I am so proud of how BIG your'e growing!!

But they found another marker for downs syndrome little man.. you have Pre-nasal Oedema. That, when put together with your teeny nose, chubby lil neck, short legs and unilateral ventriculamegaly - means that its looking increasingly like you have a chromosomal abnormality, the most likely of which is Downs syndrome. 

I so want to dig deep and find some hope. But I cant, not today anyway. I am heartbroken. I want you to

have every shot at a normal life. I want everyone around you to treat you as normal, and I know that is just not feasible with downs syndrome, there will always be someone that wont treat you as you deserve. This world is cruel. I know that ultimately, I am just so very grateful to have you. We have prayed for you and hoped for you for a long long time. and God has blessed us with you. We have our little miracle. I just hate the not knowing! Its agony. 

So many people are being so kind and encouraging, telling us that we will be great parents..its so thoughtful, but I really just want everything to be better for you. I feel responsible for every challenge you will face if you have that extra chromosome. I feel like this is all so unfair, but then I remember that you are everything I ever wanted. A beautiful child. 

I spent a lot of today crying, and your daddy spent a lot of today comforting - we have no way of knowing what lies ahead. But we do know one thing, you are the most loved boy in the world. We cant get enough of you. I am so glad that your'e in my life, and I am so excited to meet you one day soon! 

We continue to pray for you every day. Your daddy talks to you in my belly all the time :) and he sings too. We love spending time with you! And lucky us, we get to see you next week again, hopefully!

Keep kicking little man, 

I love you so much, 

Mama